In Taiwan, it is rumored that an incensed wife can claim compensatory damages from a cheating husband and even his sordid mistress.  If you ascribe to my best guy friend’s position, you too will agree that stripping his financial security is the penultimate punishment.  But, can those damages truly compensate for the baggage that the deceived wife will now carry?

Depends on whether the inflicted pain is considered a stone or a seed…

A stone is lightweight and seemingly easy to carry.  It represents everything from the smallest of infractions that an SO can commit to even the most damaging.  Oh, he looked and smiled at another girl’s butt while you’re having a “fat” day?  Yep, that’s a stone.  She never compliments your sexual prowess but salivates after looking at the lewd Abercrombie posters?  Probably a stone.  You plan a lovely anniversary dinner after meticulously selecting Farmer’s Market ingredients, buying beautiful china, and selecting accompanying music and she doesn’t verbalize her appreciation?  Definitely a stone. 

But, a stone can be carried or cast off.  This is an important distinction.  You can choose to carry the stone which will get heavier over time or you can throw it far away into oblivion.  Bonus points if you can cast if off happily like skipping rocks on a pond. 

Oh, but seeds…so infinitesimally small yet so potent.  Seeds have potential, a secret power that enables them to thrive but remain hidden.  Some people mistake seeds for “emotional scars” but they are completely wrong.  Scars serve as reminders which can easily be masked/overlooked, while seeds continually grow as a living and breathing reminder that you were hurt.  Scariest part about seeds?  You don’t even know when it’s planted but you sure do feel the pain of its growth. 

Examples of seeds?  Deeply cut wounds that play on our deepest insecurities.  He hides you from his parents and instantly hangs up on your calls when they’re around?  Seed.  She finds fault with his proportionally smaller salary and calls him out on it publicly?  Seed.  You’re neglected, unwanted, underappreciated, unloved, and unnoticed?  Don’t have your SO’s respect?  All seeds.

There is neither poison nor exterminator that can kill those seedling plants.  During a lifetime, I think everyone unwittingly cultivates a small garden of seeds…it’s just whether you have a vast cornfield of seeds.  If so, I think you are damaged beyond repair and even the most redeeming of love cannot save you. 

What now?  It’s impractical to just say, “Well, I don’t have any baggage so who cares?”  I think you try to maintain the smallest proportion of seeds to stones, cast off as many stones as you can without help, and prune the garden daily.  Decide early on what will become a seed or a stone and tell your SO. 

As for the hunters out there who are seeking?  Find someone with hardly any seeds, who’s excited to cast stones, and is open about it. 

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